


Light in the Dark

by flustraaa



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Clalec BroTP - Freeform, Good Friend Clary Fray, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Other, Post 2x08, Sad Alec Lightwood, cannon (kind of) compliant, emotionally constipated alec lightwood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-23
Updated: 2019-05-23
Packaged: 2020-03-10 02:54:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18929845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flustraaa/pseuds/flustraaa
Summary: "You don't hate me?""You actually think I could?"





	Light in the Dark

**Author's Note:**

> i'm a sucker for a clalec brotp moment

He’ll never get the look on clary’s face out of his mind- the blank emerald stare as she sat on the couch while his loved one resided safe and sound in his arms. 

His fingers and arms were raw from the bowstring after hours of mindless shooting from the roof. 

Now he sits, legs dangled over the edge of the rooftop, staring down at the ground. 

New York was truly beautiful- even so early in the morning, and even after not sleeping for three days. 

That was the only reliable thing in this godforsaken place. 

Alec didn’t even mind the mundane sounds of clutter and life- the horns and the sirens. 

The flashes of light and safe haven just made the city that much more beautiful. 

Sometimes he wonders if he ever deserved any of this. 

He destroyed his families honour, he destroyed Clary’s life, he always took all of the pain from his parents in his sibling place but they always managed to get burned. 

Why couldn’t he do anything right? 

He exhales a shaky sigh, dropping his gaze to his stele in his fingertips, tracing the soft, intricate curves with a soft frown etched on his lips. 

Was he even worthy of Magnus? Of the warlocks love? 

Out of everyone and anyone on this earth, mundane, angelic, or demonic spawn alike, Magnus has chosen him. 

He had chosen his wrinkled, demon ichor covered, and aging clothing. He had chosen Alec’s messy hair and sleepy blue eyes from nights of no sleep and crying from nightmares. Magnus has chosen that- Magnus- a technical Prince- had chosen a common, glorified, hot mess. 

Alec was sure he would never understand this. 

“Alec?” 

Alec doesn’t jump at the sudden voice- though he is surprised by the person it belongs to. 

But nothing compares to his surprise as to when she drapes a blanket over his shoulders and sits beside him. 

He’d killed her mother— how could she even force his name out of her lips?

They sit in silence for a long time, and then she catches sight of his raw fingertips and he lets out a soft sigh but doesn’t say anything more. 

She glances at his face and her eyes widen. 

She must see the tears that he’d been shedding silently for Raziel knows how long. 

She reaches out slowly, resting a warm hand on his shoulder and slowly he drags his gaze up, now looking straight forward rather than at the ground below, but he still can’t meet her gaze. 

But just as she forms words he blurts out, “I’m so sorry.” 

But that voice isn’t his- and it seems to shock Clary. 

No, this voice is a shell of his- even compared to the voice he’d used when he was broken and so far in the closet, Narnia was jealous of his depths. 

“Alec- what are you sorry for?” 

He sniffs quietly, running the sleeve of his holy black sweater over his puffy eyes, voice quiet when he finally forces it out, “Everything.” 

She just looks at him with confused emerald eyes, and Alec can only shake his head, “Why don’t you hate me? After everything?” 

“Why would I hate you?” Her voice is almost amused. 

“I killed your- I killed— I killed Jocelyn.” 

“That wasn’t you.” 

It’s then the alec finally can meet her eyes and she’s stricken hard by what she sees. 

Alec’s eyes and cheeks are puffy and red and there are tears streaming down his cheeks and there’s dark scruff covering his face and he’s hiccuping trying to catch his breath. 

“It was- I remember every second of it, I-“ 

“It wasn’t you-“ 

“What about all the other times? What about all the times I was awful to you? What about that?”

“I invaded your life- I was the one that let everything center around me- I didn’t even think about what it could be doing to you.” 

“But I-“ 

She shakes her head, “Alec.” 

“I-“ 

She shakes her head, “I took your parabatai, I took your little sister, I shoved my ignorance and Simon and i in your hands, you taught me how to shoot and fight and all I did was cause you problems.” 

He shakes his head, “you’re just a kid you don’t deserve to—“ 

“Alec?” 

His eyes snap up, and she takes his hand, “You’re just a kid, too. You shouldn’t have to carry this.” 

He sucks in a shuddering breath, glancing down at the pavement. 

“Why are- why are you up here Clary?” 

“I wanted to check on you, I saw you head up here an hour ago, I hadn’t seen you come down.” 

“But why—“ 

“I almost pushed you off a ledge once, I don’t want you to throw yourself off one by yourself.” 

“That wasn’t you- I was hearing things. Clary, I would never—“ 

“I know,” She states simply, “But everyone needs a friend sometimes, even tall warriors that pretend they hate affection.” 

Alec smiles faintly at that, “Thanks, Clary.” 

“You’re welcome, Lightwood.” 

She turns to swing her legs back over the ledge, but Alec’s voice stops her. 

“Fray,” Alec murmurs, timidly, “I don’t want to be alone.” 

“Then you won’t be,” She moves her feet back to dangle over the ledge, leaning her head on his shoulder. 

“So,” She says after a few moments of silence, “How are you and Magnus?” 

“Leave.” 

She only laughs softly, “Sorry.”


End file.
